Single At Christmas - Bah Humbug!

Normally I love Christmas, but I feel a little different about it this year. Why? well I separated from my husband 4 months ago so this year is my first Christmas on my own in over 13 years, yes I'll have family around on Christmas Day and will spend it being surrounded by people who love me, but I have a feeling that I'm still going to feel so lonely.

The culmination of this years events have led me to spend today crying my heart out, and to make things worse, my favourite Christmas songs just seem to be rubbing my face in it. So let's analyse them shall we?

Mud says - Try to imagine a house that's not  a home,
Try to imagine a Christmas all alone
Well mate - My house is slowly falling apart so it's not technically a home at the moment, and I don't need to imagine a Christmas all alone, because I'm having one!

Mr Noddy Holder of Slade asks - Are you hanging up a stocking on your wall?
Hell no!!!! - Don't you know it's taken me the best of part of 8 months to sodding well decorate my living room, I'll be damned if I'm putting pin holes into my nice new wallpaper!

Wizard wishes it could be Christmas everyday! - Pass me the anti depressants now, it's made me feel a little bit sad and lonely this year so I couldn't cope with having Christmas every day.

Darlene Love sang - Nobody ought to be all alone on Christmas, well it looks like I'm a big fat nobody* then, because hey guess what - I am alone this Christmas!

Shakin' Stevens said - Time for parties and celebrations
People dancing all night long
Time for presents
and exchanging kisses
Time for singing Christmas songs
Well sorry Shakey - I'm not in the mood to party, and there's nothing much to celebrate, as for presents and exchanging kisses, it'll probably just be a case of exchanging presents in the Boxing Day sales and actually getting something I really want for Christmas!

Michael Bolton sings Have yourself a merry Little Christmas - why don't you feck off?

He then makes another appearance on my playlist saying -
You better watch out
You better not cry
You better not pout
I'm telling you why - go on then, tell me why I shouldn't cry, I can if I bloody well want to. Like I said earlier, why don't you just feck off!

I think The Pogues sum things up perfectly - You scumbag you maggot, you cheap lousy faggot, happy your arse I pray God it's our last!**

I could go on and on and on and on, there's about 100 songs on my playlist but I think you kind of get the idea about just how a first Christmas alone can make people feel. Despite my current mood, I do wish all my readers a very Merry Christmas, and would encourage you to drop an old friend or family member an email, text or message, just to let them know they are thought about at this time of year.

* I would like to state that I am not a big fat nobody owing to the fact I lost a lot of weight this year!!
** I would like to point out that it is an amicable split, and he wasn't  a scumbag, maggot or faggot!

A little moan about weight loss

Firstly I am very proud of myself let me make that bit clear, I have recently lost 2 stone in weight and feel a hell of a lot better about myself, I've turned into a little bit of a fitness freak and spend most weekends "running"* a good 10 miles at a time, something that I never envisioned doing when I was a fat chubster at school, choosing to avoid PE at all costs in exchange for a walk to the local bakery for pies, butties and cakes ( mmmm cake ) for my dinner.

However, when I was heavier, I had a cracking set of boobs, and plenty of junk in my trunk, so my moan is all about losing my assets.

Firstly where have my tits gone? My once pretty underwear used to show them off to their full potential and now my bras are half empty with saggy boobs cowering away in them. Yes I know I can buy new underwear but that's not the point. I hadn't long bought new matching bra and knickers and by god I want to get my monies worth out them.
Then there's my arse, or rather, there isn't my arse, it's gone, my jeans just hang off the bottom of my back, only held in place with a worn out belt with so many added notches to it I'm surprised it can still call itself a belt! And don't get me started on the rest of my wardrobe. Nothing fits right, jumpers are too baggy, dresses drown me, even my shoes are too bloody big,

The added irony is that I still have a bit more to lose, so what's a girl to do? Until I have achieved my goal - I could just spend my day living in onesies right???

I don't mind wearing them at night to keep warm, or even during the day when it's fancy dress, but I don't think even I'm mad enough to wear them just for the fun of it**

So I guess I'm just going to have to behave myself and hope that Santa brings me a new wardrobe for Xmas, though if all else fails, I'm sure the amount of food consumed on Christmas Day will make at least one item of clothing fit again!

*I run until I get injured which happens quite often, then I shuffle along at a quickened pace until I cave in and walk the rest of the way!

**well maybe just a little bit!

Little Miss Muffet - alternative verses for kids!

So Squiggle came home today singing Little Miss Muffet, and of course he asked what curds and whey were, being the very intelligent mother that I am, I told him it was something to do with cheese. After a quick look on t'internet I found out that it was similar to cottage cheese.
Squiggle asked why didn't the song just say she was eating cheese. I said then it wouldn't rhyme.

Cue a long list of different versions of Little Miss Muffet. These had Squiggle in stitches and I'd like to share them with you!

Little Miss Muffet, sat on her tuffet

eating a bowl of cheese,

Along came a spider and sat down beside her

and started to tickle her knees!

Little Miss Muffet, sat on her tuffet

eating a loaf of bread,

Along came a spider he crawled up beside her

and started to dance on her head!

Little Miss Muffet, sat on her tuffet

eating something yum,

Along came a spider and sat down beside her

and started to pinch her bum!

Little Miss Muffet, sat on her tuffet

eating a piece of toast,

Along came a spider and sat down beside her

and said eurgh you've got a bogey up your nose!

Little Miss Muffet, sat on her tuffet

eating a bowl of jelly,

Along came a spider and sat down beside her

and said goodness gracious me, you've got a big belly!

Little Miss Muffet, sat on her tuffet

eating a joint of meat

Along came a spider and sat down beside her

and said phew, you've got smelly feet!

*Thanks to mycutegraphics.com for the images

Just a quick update!

Hello to all my friendly readers,

As you may have noticed my posts have been a tiny bit sporadic over the course of the past 2 months. I have been dealing with a few issues in my personal life which I'm not ready to discuss at the moment but may do at a later point in time.

So rather than dwell on the issues I'm going to focus on the positives in my life at the moment.

1. Squiggle has settled into primary school now and despite the initial teething problems, he is turning out to be a well educated and polite young man.

2. Since the beginning of August, I have lost 27lbs in weight and am still running every chance I get - this is a vast difference from the girl who used to shun P.E. at school!!

3. I am finally getting my garden landscaped, new fence, new patio and new gates, and although it's coming up to Winter, I cannot wait to sit out there and enjoy the view with a glass of wine!

4. I started to decorate the living room in March, by decorate I mean strip the walls, well I have now lined the walls and am ready to start wallpapering, so I might be ready for Xmas!

5. Last week I finally got the golden ticket in TV audience recordings - yes, I got to go and see A Question of Sport being recorded, I was sat supporting Tuffers team, sadly not behind him so not sure if I will make the edited episode but it was great fun to watch, took just over 2 hours to record with no retakes!

How are you all doing?

Tips for applying for primary school

After my considerable mess up with getting Squiggle into a primary school, I thought I would share my experience and give other parents tips to help them stand a better chance of getting into a school of their choice.

By law, children must be in school from the first term after their fifth birthday, but the majority of schools take children who turn five in the school year to start in September when they are still four.
Different counties may open their applications on different days, so check your local council website for information, but for all primary school applications the closing date is 15 th January.

The admission criteria for each school is different but some schools give preference to those;

• who have a brother or sister at the school already
• who live close to the school
• from a particular religion (for faith schools)
• who do well in an entrance exam (for selective schools, eg grammar schools or stage schools)
• in care or being looked after (all schools must have this as a top priority)

So my words of wisdom are:

Apply on time, I cannot stress the importance of this. Many schools will not consider late applications at all. So check your local county government website for application dates. Some councils advertise in the local press or at libraries,  and good nurseries may give you the information, I missed the deadline because I was in hospital at the time, and even this couldn't be taken into consideration.

If you wish for your child to attend a faith school, such as Church of England or Roman Catholic, you must make sure you attend church on a regular basis, most will accept a minimum attendance of once a month. It is the parents who have to attend, not the child. Also Roman Catholic schools give preference to Catholic baptised children over Church of England christened children.

Put your child's name down on the waiting list, this doesn't mean they will be given any preference over any other child, but it shows that you are interested in your child attending that school. If any children decline their places then the schools will use the waiting list to offer out spare places. This is what finally got my son a place at the school we wanted.

If you don't get the place you initially wanted then you can always appeal. An independent panel will hear your case and decide if there are grounds for appeal such as a incorrect procedure being followed and make a decision for you.

Try not to despair, remember there are 20 weeks between receiving your place offer and the first day of school. Things can change during that time and even for a short time afterwards. The schools waiting lists don't tend to get disbanded until the Christmas holidays so there is always a chance that pupils will leave school and move around as their parents do.

I am happy to report that despite my cock up, Squiggle did eventually get into a different school of choice, and is currently loving every minute of it.