She's shrunk in her old age ( A.K.A Kids say the funniest things part 5 )

Oh my goodness, it's been over 2 years since I last posted an episode of "kids say the funniest things", so I think it's about time I shared a few more with you.

Like the time when I was filling in Squiggle's reward chart, I asked him if he had been good, and he said yes mummy up until the point I wasn't....... I couldn't argue with that!

Or the time he asked for sanitary towels so he could go on stage, just because an advert said he needed them... I'm so glad the old tampon advert isn't still on, because he would be thinking he needed some of them to go roller skating!

Then there was the random conversation whilst we were watching an episode of 'Are You Being Served?' about why Captain Peacock was called Captain Peacock when he wasn't a peacock, I said I didn't know to which Squiggle replied oh OK, well I've got sweaty balls! and walked away - my friend and I just sat bewildered, WTF goes through my child's mind?

It gets worse, one day he grabbed a pillow and a blanket and set about making a bed on the floor, I asked if he was going to have a little sleep, do you know what he said? - well I'll tell you - he said "I'm not going to sleep, I'm just lying on the floor to look at the cats bum!" why?, just why?. I just walked away and left him to it.

It's no wonder I walk around feeling like I'm in some sort of Twilight Zone, when this is what I have to deal with. I don't know where he gets half of the stuff he says from, my mum and grandma are convinced Squiggle has been here before. That doesn't mean that they get let off with Squiggle's thoughts, oh no, he's even given The Granny a great deal of thought - I've been thinking, aliens grow really tall when they get old, and humans get smaller. So Great Grandma must be a human because she's shrunk in her old age!

As usual, please feel free to post your own "kids say the funniest" story below, I love to hear what other children are saying.

Tempers, Tantrums and Tears

Three weeks into the school holidays and I've started to question my own sanity, method and morals. Squiggle has turned into a nightmare child, he wakes up bright and breezy and all cute and loving but then as the day goes on he turns into a bad tempered, angry, rude stroppy little stress head, and I just don't know what to do anymore.

I appreciate that no child likes shopping, but when the child asks to go to a store to buy a toy and then kicks off in the store saying they don't like shopping, what are you supposed to do?
Today Squiggle wanted to go and spend a voucher in Toys R Us, so I took him ( along with backup - my mum and grandma, it was a family day out ). Of course he wanted to buy everything he saw, and couldn't make his mind up between Pokemon, Turtles, Star Wars, Lego, Hot Wheels, Hexbugs, everything he looked at came with the usual cry of "I WANT IT, I WANT IT!".  We managed to narrow the choices down to one or two that were within his budget and explained that the dearer ones would need to come from Father Christmas which Squiggle seemed to understand, but then all of a sudden he snapped, and started throwing himself on the floor and crying that he hated shopping and that we were all mean by taking him to the toy shop.
This continued as we headed to the car and came home..

Another day he had an outburst in another shop and was consequently frog marched from the store screaming and crying, whilst everyone looked on at us.
Now I must stress that I don't really care what strangers think of me when Squiggle is having an outburst, but it really bothers me when he does in front of people we know. He once had a major meltdown after school and laid himself on the pavement so that parents had to step over him to get home.
I've been told that it is my fault for being too soft on him in his earlier years ( he's only 6 btw ) and that I've let him get away with things for too long, it's true, I admit I've done that in the past, but when you're in constant agony and pain, sometimes it is easier to say yes just to keep the peace, but now I just don't know what I'm doing wrong. He gets sent to bed when naughty, has his toys confiscated and is grounded from playing out, but yet he never seems to learn. The only thing I haven't done is smack him, should I be considering doing this?
I don't know how strict his dad is when he goes to visit and do notice a difference when he comes back ( this is when he's at his worse ).
I guess I just want someone to either tell me it's all ok and this is a normal phase that he is going through or advise me on what to do.
Is there anyone out there that can help me?

Little Miss Muffet - alternative verses for kids!

So Squiggle came home today singing Little Miss Muffet, and of course he asked what curds and whey were, being the very intelligent mother that I am, I told him it was something to do with cheese. After a quick look on t'internet I found out that it was similar to cottage cheese.
Squiggle asked why didn't the song just say she was eating cheese. I said then it wouldn't rhyme.

Cue a long list of different versions of Little Miss Muffet. These had Squiggle in stitches and I'd like to share them with you!

Little Miss Muffet, sat on her tuffet

eating a bowl of cheese,

Along came a spider and sat down beside her

and started to tickle her knees!

Little Miss Muffet, sat on her tuffet

eating a loaf of bread,

Along came a spider he crawled up beside her

and started to dance on her head!

Little Miss Muffet, sat on her tuffet

eating something yum,

Along came a spider and sat down beside her

and started to pinch her bum!

Little Miss Muffet, sat on her tuffet

eating a piece of toast,

Along came a spider and sat down beside her

and said eurgh you've got a bogey up your nose!

Little Miss Muffet, sat on her tuffet

eating a bowl of jelly,

Along came a spider and sat down beside her

and said goodness gracious me, you've got a big belly!

Little Miss Muffet, sat on her tuffet

eating a joint of meat

Along came a spider and sat down beside her

and said phew, you've got smelly feet!

*Thanks to mycutegraphics.com for the images

Uh oh, they're at it again!! ( A.K.A Kids say the funniest things part 4 )

The more I share my funny stories with friends the more I get told about their children, so here is a little collection of anecdotes from friends, feel free to add your own funny stories in the comment box and they might make the next edition!!!

Firstly Squiggle has been using his initiative. We went out the other day and had set off down the street. When we got to the bottom of the hill he asked if the big building with lots of windows was a hotel. I told him it was an old peoples home and explained that when people got old and needed looking after they would sometimes move to an old peoples home. "Hmmm" said Squiggle his mind clearly thinking about this, "Shouldn't daddy live there now - he's old"!!!!

Last month Squiggle had gone shopping with my auntie and grandma, whilst at the checkout he exclaimed that he needed the toilet and set off. My grandma followed him and saw him talking to a member of staff at the toilet door. What are you doing? they asked - "Going to the toilet" he replied. "Where's your daddy?" - "He's at work", "Where's your mummy?" - "Oh she's at home in bed!!!" - Please bear in mind this was at dinner time, and believe me I was up - honestly!!!

Next a friend of mine was telling me about how her 4 year daughter had caught sight of her in the bath and had innocently asked "Mummy why do your boobies point down and mine point up? will mine go like that when I'm older?"

Thanks to Kelly for this one.

Evie says the funniest things. Latest is that as you know she's a little blondie and I have dark hair, I said to her that when she gets older she may well go dark and look more like me to which she replied 'I'm not being racist but I really don't like dark hair, I'm staying blonde'  She once said 'Mom you know those people who don't eat meat, what are they called, lesbitarions? Well I'm not one of them as I like chicken nuggets' I couldn't stop laughing xxx

Thanks to Nancy for this one

My son Aaron told me that the titanic was sunk by an ice cube and he also says he is handbdextrous not ambidextrous ( as in both handed).

Thanks to Josie for this one

Molly said to me on way to playgroup on Friday in the car grandma look I've got 4 fingers up I said I can't look I'm driving I've got to keep my eyes on the road, she said grandma your eyes don't go on the road they stay in your head you mean you have to look at the road!! Well that put me straight didn't it!

Kerrie over at Wife Mum Student Bum had this to say:
Alice (2) said yesterday "Mummy you have a big tummy don't you...have you got a baby in there?" Cheeky bugger x

Emma at Emma's Little World
We were in Devon last week on holiday on and went crabbing. When we got one Ben put it into the bucket and said, he jumped in quickly cos he thought it was the proper sea!! And it wasn't the proper sea, it was my sea in the bucket!!


Thanks to Tim for this one:
On a drive to our local Tesco and whilst stuck behind an elderly couple... I may have muttered something along the lines of "bloody old people, get a move on". During the same trip to Tesco, whilst doing our shop. A lovely elderly couple were cooing over the boys, when our Callum chirps up with the line "bloody old people, get a move on". I nearly dropped through the floor with embarrassment.


Thanks to everybody for their input, please feel free to add your own stories via the comment box, on my Facebook page or email me. I look forward to hearing what your little one's have been saying!

I Just Smiled Politely, Paid & Left! ( A.K.A kids say the funniest things part 3 )

I've had a couple of moments over the past week when I've just wished the ground would open up and swallow me, all courtesy of my darling son.

First we went to put petrol in the car at the supermarket in town. I filled the car up and took Squiggle inside to pay where he took one look at the lady serving and shouted at her - "Why are you sad? Why don't you smile? Why you not happy?"  I just wanted the ground to open up and swallow me but instead I just smiled politely, paid and left. I'm not mentioning which supermarket it is, but they have a reputation around here for having slow and miserable staff. I hope she smiles next time.

Next we went into a shop in town. The person behind us in the queue was a cross dresser. Squiggle took one look and asked " Why are you wearing a dress?, Are you a man or a girl? Do you have a tail? ( willy )" I just wanted the ground to open up and swallow, but instead I just smiled politely, paid and left!

Finally we were in the toilets in the shopping centre, having to share a cubicle as I didn't want him wandering off, and unfortunately it was that time of the month, Squiggle caught sight of my knickers as I was taking a pee, "Mummy, why you got a nappy? are you a baby? I'm not a baby I'm a big boy, You wear nappies, you wear nappies" well yes you've guessed it, I just wanted the ground to open up and swallow me, but instead I flushed, smiled politely at the strangers queuing, washed my hands and left!

Dinosaur Tourettes

I left the other half to look after Squiggle today, when I returned he was in a bemused state, I asked what was wrong. He said Squiggle had been playing out, stomping, roaring and saying "I'm dinosaur tourettes!"

 I had to point out that he meant dinosaur T-Rex!

Our trip to Cadbury World ( part 2 )

Following on from part one.......

We joined the queue and handed over our admission tickets, in return we were given 2 bars of chocolate each, a Wispa and a Caramel.

Then we were transported to the Aztec Jungle and discovered the origin of the cocoa bean, and learnt how the cocoa bean was brought to Europe.

Next we entered a scene from Victorian England of Bull Street, Birmingham, where John Cadbury first set up his shop selling cocoa and drinking chocolate.

And then we went to a small theatre and watched a short film about how the Cadbury's brand was created and how the family experimented with different processes and finally developed the infamous Dairy Milk bar.

Next was a fun film to show how the cocoa beans are processed and turned into liquid chocolate which is the base for all the Cadbury's chocolate bars. There was a particularly funny moment in the film where the beans are shaken to remove the shells, at the same time the seats in the theatre shake so everybody now knows what it's like to be a cocoa bean!

Afterwards we learnt how the various chocolate bars were made before being given a Dairy Milk and viewing the packaging zone. At the time of our visit they were packaging large Fruit and Nut Bars, it all happens so quickly, the chocolate comes in on one conveyor belt and in the blink of an eye it's wrapped and sent along another conveyor belt to another part of the factory.

Jelly babies & popping candy

After the packaging zone came the more fun part of the tour.

First there was Cadabra, a cute ride through chocolate land among all the Cadbury characters. ( It's a little bit like It's a Small World ), then there is my favourite part, the chocolate making area. Here we were all given a small pot of melted chocolate and given the options to add an extra treat to create our own chocolate. Squiggle went with white chocolate buttons, marshmallows and jelly babies, I had popping candy and jelly babies and Mr H had marshmallows and jelly babies.
There was also a viewing area where I was able to watch 2 chocolatiers putting the finishing touches on a hand decorated chocolate teapot.

Freddo & Caramel Bunny

Before the end of the tour there was a trip down memory lane where we could watch various TV adverts from across the years, who could forget the Caramel Bunny and her 'take it easy' catchphrase,  Thank Crunchie it's Friday or Cadbury Roses - Thankyou very much you're one in a million. And the more recent ( although it's now 7 years old ) Gorilla advert drumming along to Phil Collins.

Finally we exited into the biggest Cadbury shop in the world to buy a couple more bars of chocolate. The shop sells everything and more, plus a few special items that cannot be bought anywhere else.

It was a fun day out for all the family.

* We visited Cadbury World and paid for our own tickets. I have not received anything ( yet** ) in return for writing this post. I just wanted to share our day out with you all

** If by any chance Cadbury's read and like my post and wish to send me a box of afore mentioned Wispas as a thankyou then I will gladly devour them! 

Our trip to Cadbury World ( part 1 )

On Sunday we finally had our a family outing to Cadbury World

My other half is a Brummie and we do go to Birmingham quite regularly to see family but it's usually only for the day, the last time we went we promised Squiggle that we would take him to the chocolate factory, and during this visit we kept our word.

The admissions procedure has changed since the last time I went ( some 12 years ago ). Cadbury World is very busy and booking is not only advisable I would say it is necessary, especially if visiting in the afternoon. We arrived at 11 am and the next available tour was at 3.20 pm. When we went for dinner at 12.30pm the attraction was fully booked up. Tickets can be booked in advance on their website.

So we bought our tickets and then decided what to do for the next 4 hours. I was worried that there wouldn't be enough to keep us entertained but I'm glad to say I was wrong. 

Outside of the factory are 2 children's playgrounds with a refreshment stall, the new 4D Chocolate Adventure and also The Bournville Experience. The Sooty Show was also there as extra entertainment, for a short Summer stint ( I believe it's The Rainbow Show for the next couple of weekends ) and shows were being held every hour on the hour.

First we let Squiggle loose on the African adventure playground whilst we planned what to do. He loved it, climbing up and down the nets and across the rope bridges then going down the slides. There are 2 playgrounds to cater for all ages of children.

Next we went into the 4D Chocolate Adventure. We entered the special lift and met Mr Cadbury's Parrot who caused a bit of mischief - Squiggle thought this was funny. The lift doors then opened and we saw that we had arrived at the cinema, we took our 3D glasses and found a seat. I'm not going to spoil it for people by telling you anything more than can be found on the Cadbury World website, but it's a 4D cinema experience ( which means 3D visual with motion seats ) which lets you meet a whole host of Cadbury characters including the Caramel Bunny, Freddo Frog, Mr Cadbury's Parrot and ride on the Crunchie Rollercoaster.For the full experience I would recommend sitting near the middle.

Squiggle thought it was brilliant, I thought it was brilliant and Mr H. thought it was brilliant - so a big thumbs up from us.

Then we decided to check out The Bournville Experience. It gives the history of the family, factory and surrounding area. I found it interesting to learn how the Bournville village was built for the factory workers and how the Cadbury family influenced their Quaker ethics onto the workers. Did you know that Quaker's don't drink alcohol and even nowadays there isn't a single pub in the whole of Bournville!

There is also a sneaky peak into the packaging area, where all the boxes of chocolates are loaded up on the pallets. We watched boxes and boxes of Wispas being loaded up onto pallets before being picked up and taken away  for delivery. 

Finally we joined the queue for the Sooty Show. This was taking place in a marquee outside The Bournville Experience, we took our seats and the children sat on the floor before being delighted by the antics of Sooty, Sweep and Soo, who showcased some of Sooty's latest inventions. I'm not sure who loved it more, the children or the adults, everybody joined in ( grown men were singing and waving their arms ! ) and it brought back much loved childhood memories, although I'm not sure Sooty and Sweep were ever that naughty when I was a child!

After a spot of dinner in the restaurant we joined the queue and were ready to enter Cadbury World. 

Click here for part 2.

* We visited Cadbury World and paid for our own tickets. I have not received anything ( yet** ) in return for writing this post. I just wanted to share our day out with you all

** If by any chance Cadbury's read and like my post and wish to send me a box of afore mentioned Wispas as a thankyou then I will gladly devour them! 

End of an era A.K.A last day at nursery

So today was Squiggle's last day at nursery.

It doesn't seem like a year ago we were both getting excited at the thought of starting nursery and here we are now getting excited at the thought of starting school.

It was an emotional day and I tried my best not to cry - I really did. I dropped him off this morning, and already the nursery felt different, the walls were bare as the pictures had been taken down overnight ready to give to the children to take home, the number of children was fewer than on other days as parents decided not to bother with the last day and the mass of toys had been packed away leaving only a few out to entertain the few small people who were there.
I gave Squiggle his usual kiss and cuddle and left for the day. I was fine.

Upon my return at 3 o'clock the nursery was stark, an empty shell instead of the happy playroom it had been over the last 11 months, there were just a few token children left waiting for their parents to pick them up before the doors closed for the Summer holidays.
I was still fine. I signed Squiggle out for the last time, collected his bags and made sure we had everything, I told him to say goodbye to his friends as sadly nobody was going to the same school as he was, told him to say goodbye to his nursery workers as he probably wouldn't see them again, and then that's when it hit me, not just a couple of emotional tears but the whole waterfall of never ending ones! I just couldn't stop. Squiggle just looked at me bemused, he just wanted to go home. I quickly dashed to get some tissues before saying a tearful goodbye to everyone.

But it took a good 3 hours for my tears to stop, a song in the car, an advert on TV and a simple cuddle off Squiggle all set me off again!
For those who know me it doesn't really come as a much of a surprise really, I've always been emotional and at high school I was voted The Girl Most Likely To Cry!

The difference between cats and dogs - a 3 year olds perspective ( A.K.A Kids say the funniest things part 2 )

Let me set the background to this.  My mum has been great at helping hubby bring up Squiggle whilst I have been recovering from my pancreatitis, she has Squiggle one night a week during the week and did have him most weekends. Unfortunately time at Grandma's has brought some bad habits, the latest being that Squiggle tries to lick his plate clean like my dad does, but that's not relevant, what is relevant is that we have a "defective" cat called Leo. Leo is a rescue cat who has been with us for nearly 5 years. He isn't a full cat on account of him having no tail. Nobody knows what happened to it but he does quite suit not having one, I don't think he is at all bothered by not having one.

The cat with no tail!

Anyway back to the story, whilst looking after Squiggle and when changing his nappies and going through potty training  my mum used to refer to him as Willy Wet Tail! As Squiggle has grown this has stuck with him, and now he quite innocently calls his willy, his tail. This was all fine, until one day he asked "mummy, you got a tail?" He's only three and I didn't really want to be explaining the facts of life and the birds and bees to him, but what could I do? So I sat him down and we had a conversation about boys and girls and how they were different. He asked questions about grandma, grandpa, daddy, in fact every family member, so he now knows who is a boy and who is a girl.

He was quite happy with this for several weeks, then last night, out of the blue, he promptly announced that he now knows the difference between cats and dogs! Dogs have bum tails and cats don't!!

I think another little chat is due!

How big should my 3 year old be?

Answer: (raise childs arms) So big!

I have found myself asking this question ever since Squiggle turned 3 in March 2013. In fact the Christmas before started the curiosity as my brother wanted to buy him a coat for Christmas and ended up buying an aged 5-6 years coat. It was a little big for him but by his 3rd birthday he had grown into it. At playgroup he towers over his friends whilst wearing his aged 5-6 clothes and size 10 shoes.

There isn't much information on the internet about what height a child should be, but so long as they are a healthy weight for the height then that's really all that matters. So after checking his BMI on the NHS website, Squiggle is perfectly in proportion, but still doesn't answer my question! I did some further searching and what I found out about his height at 2 years old made me pause with disbelief though. There is a general rule of thumb that at 2 years old your child is half their adult height. Squiggle was 36 inches tall ( 3 feet ) when he was 2, so that means he could be at least 72 inches or 6 feet tall when he's an adult!

Clothes shopping is becoming tricky because I'm never quite sure what size to buy, do I stick to what fits him now or buy a size or two bigger that will need hems/sleeves rolling up in the short term but will last him a bit longer?
Last night my husband and I decided to buy him a new coat for nursery and spent most of the time disagreeing over the size. Hubby wanted to stick with a 5-6 year old coat which I duly bought and then spent the rest of the evening trying to squeeze Squiggle into it when we got home. I had to take back today and swap it for a larger size ( which I wanted to buy in the first place ), the only size left being for a 9 year old!

Needless to say Mr Homer wasn't happy with the thought of his 'little' boy wearing such a large coat and thought it would look silly on him. It fits perfectly! I tried to explain to him that he shouldn't get hung up on the size but just to go with the flow and buy clothes that fit - speaking from experience here, I have been known to buy clothes 2 or even 3 sizes bigger just because they fit better, doesn't always mean that I am that size. Each manufacturer must have different measurements because no 2 shops have identical sizes.

The only downside I find is that whereas the young and smaller boys clothes have cute designs, the bigger and older boys clothes are more grown up and not cutesy. They don't seem to have the cartoon characters printed on them like George Pig or Jake & The Pirates, Squiggle is still my baby boy and I want to keep him like that for as long as possible because I did miss out on the first 12 months of his life with being in hospital.
I want young childrens clothes and designs but in bigger sizes, is there anyone out there that sells them?

If you spot any whilst out shopping, pop back and let me know please.