Hi Honey I'm Homer!

Well after spending New Year in hospital I am pleased to report that I am now out and back home. I've been basically told that there's nothing more they can do in hospital for me this time, as it appears what little pancreas I have is doing fine and dandy and working like it should be. My blood results are fine, so there is no need for me to stay in, in fact they're not sure what's causing the pain - they just think it's the I.B.S playing up.

The doctor has done a full review of my medication and has started me on some new pain killers which need to be reviewed in clinic in 2 weeks time, if I get that far, I've only just started them on the lowest dose and by heck am I spaced out. I took my breakfast dose and then woke up 4 hours later. Not sure how I am meant to function as a parent  whilst I get used to these bad boys, thankfully I have a great family who are running around looking after Squiggle, and he's at his dads this weekend, so I can concentrate on .... well concentrating!

I must say that I am now getting a bit fed up with my body and with everything that goes wrong with it. IBS just seems to be a flippant thing, everyone suffers from it now and then, but not everyone suffers to the same extent. Imagine, every day waking up in pain, attempting to eat breakfast, having feelings of intense bloating, more pain, then the sudden feeling of your guts dropping, attempting to get to the toilet but never making it in time, having to clean yourself up, then having more pain, constantly burping and farting. Then it's dinner time, and it's the same rig-moral and then the same for tea time! I spend more time in the bathroom than any other room in the house I'm seriously thinking of installing a TV in there!
I've tried various diets, high fibre, low fibre, low carbs, low sugar, high protein, non of which have had any impact on my digestive system, I've even been prescribed digestive enzymes (they make them from the pancreas of pigs!), which just make me sick (not because of the pig thing, just because they are nasty to take!). There is no relief. If I need to go somewhere, then I have to try and go without food, which means afternoon appointments cannot come soon enough. I'm usually shaking with hunger by then.
And now I'm fighting a case with the DWP, who after 7 years of being on ESA have decided that I am fully fit and capable of working. Never mind the inoperable hernias I suffer with, the ongoing arthritic pain, chronic abdomen pain, dizzy spells, nausea, constant fatigue (I sound like a right catch don't I?). The job centre told me to get a little job cleaning, ha, are they having a laugh? I don't clean my own home, why would I clean somewhere else? My mum and friend come round to help me out. Plus the doctor says I'm not to do any lifting, bending, pushing, pulling, stretching, so I can't even vacuum, which is my favourite part of cleaning!
Anyway, enough of me moaning, I'm back home, and I'm glad to be home. I hope the tablets settle in my system quickly, so I can at least try to live a pain free life, and let's see what other investigations this year brings at the gastroenterology department!

365 Day Penny challenge - How to save £667.95 in a year

Happy New Year!

Right who's joining me again this year?

Do you struggle saving money?

Do you want an easy way to save £667.95 this year?

Then why not join me in the 365 Day Penny Challenge.

It's quite simple, starting on day one put 1p in a jar, then day two put 2p in the jar, day three put 3p in the jar and so on until the end of the challenge which would be day 365 and £3.65 would be put in the jar. At the end of a year there would be £667.95 in the jar.

I have given myself a headstart this year, just because I saved last year but then had an emergency in October, my car broke down and cost me what I had saved to fix it, and also because of the one major flaw to the system which is that come Christmastime I will be putting quite a bit in the jar every day, so I am going to do it arse about tit and put whatever I have left in my purse at the end of the day into my jar. I have printed off the chart, and every time I put an amount in the jar it gets ticked off. I think it will make it easier as obviously the days I have more pennies in my purse I can tick off the higher amounts and on the skint days I'll only need to find a few pence.

Fancy joining me?

Then you'll need these 3 simple things

• A jar or moneybox
• Money
• Chart/tracker so you know what amount to put in.

£0.01	£0.02	£0.03	£0.04	£0.05	£0.06	£0.07	£0.08	£0.09	£0.10
£0.11	£0.12	£0.13	£0.14	£0.15	£0.16	£0.17	£0.18	£0.19	£0.20
£0.21	£0.22	£0.23	£0.24	£0.25	£0.26	£0.27	£0.28	£0.29	£0.30
£0.31	£0.32	£0.33	£0.34	£0.35	£0.36	£0.37	£0.38	£0.39	£0.40
£0.41	£0.42	£0.43	£0.44	£0.45	£0.46	£0.47	£0.48	£0.49	£0.50
£0.51	£0.52	£0.53	£0.54	£0.55	£0.56	£0.57	£0.58	£0.59	£0.60
£0.61	£0.62	£0.63	£0.64	£0.65	£0.66	£0.67	£0.68	£0.69	£0.70
£0.71	£0.72	£0.73	£0.74	£0.75	£0.76	£0.77	£0.78	£0.79	£0.80
£0.81	£0.82	£0.83	£0.84	£0.85	£0.86	£0.87	£0.88	£0.89	£0.90
£0.91	£0.92	£0.93	£0.94	£0.95	£0.96	£0.97	£0.98	£0.99	£1.00
£1.01	£1.02	£1.03	£1.04	£1.05	£1.06	£1.07	£1.08	£1.09	£1.10
£1.11	£1.12	£1.13	£1.14	£1.15	£1.16	£1.17	£1.18	£1.19	£1.20
£1.21	£1.22	£1.23	£1.24	£1.25	£1.26	£1.27	£1.28	£1.29	£1.30
£1.31	£1.32	£1.33	£1.34	£1.35	£1.36	£1.37	£1.38	£1.39	£1.40
£1.41	£1.42	£1.43	£1.44	£1.45	£1.46	£1.47	£1.48	£1.49	£1.50
£1.51	£1.52	£1.53	£1.54	£1.55	£1.56	£1.57	£1.58	£1.59	£1.60
£1.61	£1.62	£1.63	£1.64	£1.65	£1.66	£1.67	£1.68	£1.69	£1.70
£1.71	£1.72	£1.73	£1.74	£1.75	£1.76	£1.77	£1.78	£1.79	£1.80
£1.81	£1.82	£1.83	£1.84	£1.85	£1.86	£1.87	£1.88	£1.89	£1.90
£1.91	£1.92	£1.93	£1.94	£1.95	£1.96	£1.97	£1.98	£1.99	£2.00
£2.01	£2.02	£2.03	£2.04	£2.05	£2.06	£2.07	£2.08	£2.09	£2.10
£2.11	£2.12	£2.13	£2.14	£2.15	£2.16	£2.17	£2.18	£2.19	£2.20
£2.21	£2.22	£2.23	£2.24	£2.25	£2.26	£2.27	£2.28	£2.29	£2.30
£2.31	£2.32	£2.33	£2.34	£2.35	£2.36	£2.37	£2.38	£2.39	£2.40
£2.41	£2.42	£2.43	£2.44	£2.45	£2.46	£2.47	£2.48	£2.49	£2.50
£2.51	£2.52	£2.53	£2.54	£2.55	£2.56	£2.57	£2.58	£2.59	£2.60
£2.61	£2.62	£2.63	£2.64	£2.65	£2.66	£2.67	£2.68	£2.69	£2.70
£2.71	£2.72	£2.73	£2.74	£2.75	£2.76	£2.77	£2.78	£2.79	£2.80
£2.81	£2.82	£2.83	£2.84	£2.85	£2.86	£2.87	£2.88	£2.89	£2.90
£2.91	£2.92	£2.93	£2.94	£2.95	£2.96	£2.97	£2.98	£2.99	£3.00
£3.01	£3.02	£3.03	£3.04	£3.05	£3.06	£3.07	£3.08	£3.09	£3.10
£3.11	£3.12	£3.13	£3.14	£3.15	£3.16	£3.17	£3.18	£3.19	£3.20
£3.21	£3.22	£3.23	£3.24	£3.25	£3.26	£3.27	£3.28	£3.29	£3.30
£3.31	£3.32	£3.33	£3.34	£3.35	£3.36	£3.37	£3.38	£3.39	£3.40
£3.41	£3.42	£3.43	£3.44	£3.45	£3.46	£3.47	£3.48	£3.49	£3.50
£3.51	£3.52	£3.53	£3.54	£3.55	£3.56	£3.57	£3.58	£3.59	£3.60
£3.61	£3.62	£3.63	£3.64	£3.65

Good luck and may you all have a prosperous new year! 

Happy New Year from my hospital bed

Well I certainly didn't think I would be writing a blog post at this time of night on New Years Eve/Day, I should be out partying with friends or snuggled up with my loved ones at home, but sadly I am in neither of those places. Instead I am on my own, in a single bed ward in hospital overlooking a brick wall, with suspected pancreatitis or intestinal obstruction.
I am currently in so much pain it's unbelievable,  and perplexed that me, a chronic IBS diahorrea sufferer has suddenly become seriously constipated overnight!!!!
I have doctors arguing amongst themselves as to whether or not I should be nil by mouth, if it's pancreatitis again, then I should be nil by mouth, so as to give my body a rest, but if it's a blocked bowel then I should be eating and drinking normally in order to get my system moving. All I know is that it hurts to eat and take even a sip of water.
Yet I've been dosed up with laxitives at both ends this evening, and as I hear the new year fireworks start outside I can feel an explosion of my own coming on.
There's tears falling down my face as I spend this new year completely alone, isolated and shut off from the world.

Hopefully things will look brighter in the morning!

My Favourite Christmas films

I love Christmas, I would be quite happy to keep my decorations up all year round, have the flashing lights on outside the house and watch a Christmas film at least once a day. Supposedly it's bad luck to keep the tree up longer than Twelfth Night, and as I need all the luck I can get, I don't want to risk it, but at least I can indulge in my secret passion of watching Christmas films all through the year, and no one will know about it .... well that is until now!

Our elves showing off their favourite films

The main Christmas film that is a must see is Santa Claus: The Movie, it must have been the first ever Christmas film that I saw, and no Christmas is complete without having watched it. This is the film I grew up with, and David Huddleston will always be my Santa Claus.

That said, I do rather like Tim Allen in The Santa Clause and he also stars in Christmas with the Kranks. A comedy film about a couple who decide to skip Christmas and go on holiday until their daughter announces that she is coming home with her boyfriend to spend Christmas with them. Cue lots of fun and mayhem as they rally around to get the house decorated and get hold of the last Hickory honey ham in town. ( I can totally relate to this as I usually leave it till the last minute to go and buy a Christmas ham )

Of course Christmas wouldn't be Christmas without a musical, and so next on my list is The Muppet Christmas Carol. Michael Caine is wonderful as Ebeneezer Scrooge, Kermit makes a great Bob Cratchit and Gonzo does a brilliant job of narrating. All the favourite Muppets are in there.

Speaking of A Christmas Carol, I have to include Scrooged, a 1980's take on the classic story. Bill Murray stars as the heartless boss who is visited by the three Christmas Ghosts ( minus Slimer and the proton packs of course!*) to show him the error of his ways.

Jingle All The Way sees Arnold Schwarzenegger rushing around trying to find the one present his son wanted for Christmas, but that he forgot to buy.

My last family friendly favourite is The Snowman, every year without fail we have to watch this, and every year I secretly hope for a different ending.

When I get time to myself, then I do like to watch something Christmassy that isn't PG rated,

I love Bad Santa, Billy Bob Thornton as a small town crook trying to rob a department store. Lots of swearing, lots of drunkeness, and one to definitely watch whilst the kids are in bed!

Lastly on my list are two of the non conventional Christmas films, Gremlins and Die Hard. Although one is about strange little creatures that like to maime and attack people, and the other is an all action blow shit up and kill a few people whilst you're at it sort of film, both are set around Christmas so they are Christmas films ( not like Frozen which is actually set in Summer, and creates a whole separate debate about Christmas films but I'm not going there, not today anyway! )

*a small nod to Ghostbusters
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Do you have a favourite Christmas film? why not share your stories below.

She's shrunk in her old age ( A.K.A Kids say the funniest things part 5 )

Oh my goodness, it's been over 2 years since I last posted an episode of "kids say the funniest things", so I think it's about time I shared a few more with you.

Like the time when I was filling in Squiggle's reward chart, I asked him if he had been good, and he said yes mummy up until the point I wasn't....... I couldn't argue with that!

Or the time he asked for sanitary towels so he could go on stage, just because an advert said he needed them... I'm so glad the old tampon advert isn't still on, because he would be thinking he needed some of them to go roller skating!

Then there was the random conversation whilst we were watching an episode of 'Are You Being Served?' about why Captain Peacock was called Captain Peacock when he wasn't a peacock, I said I didn't know to which Squiggle replied oh OK, well I've got sweaty balls! and walked away - my friend and I just sat bewildered, WTF goes through my child's mind?

It gets worse, one day he grabbed a pillow and a blanket and set about making a bed on the floor, I asked if he was going to have a little sleep, do you know what he said? - well I'll tell you - he said "I'm not going to sleep, I'm just lying on the floor to look at the cats bum!" why?, just why?. I just walked away and left him to it.

It's no wonder I walk around feeling like I'm in some sort of Twilight Zone, when this is what I have to deal with. I don't know where he gets half of the stuff he says from, my mum and grandma are convinced Squiggle has been here before. That doesn't mean that they get let off with Squiggle's thoughts, oh no, he's even given The Granny a great deal of thought - I've been thinking, aliens grow really tall when they get old, and humans get smaller. So Great Grandma must be a human because she's shrunk in her old age!

As usual, please feel free to post your own "kids say the funniest" story below, I love to hear what other children are saying.