Friday, 1 August 2014

Thank you to a not so stranger.

Up until 4 years ago, I was fat, I was fat and happy, I was fat, happy and had a bubbly personality. I stood tall, stuck my boobs out, sucked my stomach in ( as best I could ) and walked with an air of confidence about me.
I was half the woman I used to be!
Then I became pregnant, had a traumatic birth, contracted pancreatitis, lost over 10 stone in weight, became a walking skeleton and lost all my hair. That confident girl disappeared and in return I was left a shy, quiet and miserable shadow. I couldn't walk tall, in fact it hurt to hold my head up, my body was so weak it couldn't support my head, so I walked huddled over like a little old lady, not daring to look anybody in the eye.

I became jealous of my friends perfect bodies, well they were perfect in my eyes, they didn't bare the scars I had, their tummies looked normal, they could leave the house and go and do and eat whatever they wanted without fear of being ill in public.

Slowly but surely I got a little bit better, my hair started to grow back, I gained weight and was able to walk a little taller. I started wearing make-up again, although I still have the scars I learnt to dress myself in ways that hid my imperfections, my personality slowly made a comeback and although that daft grin of mine reappeared it still masked so many sad feelings. I no longer felt attractive, and no amount of make-up was ever going to change that.

My husband has never once said I looked pretty or nice, not even on our wedding day, well earlier this year I attended a couple of weddings, and made the effort to look nice, bought a new dress and yet still got nothing from him. However, I did get quite a few compliments from my family and other people, some of the  people were strangers to me but knew of me through my mum and grandma, but there was that one compliment from someone who I only really knew in passing to say hello to and hadn't spoken to much before now, but for whatever reason, they were the one who made me blush and made my day and slowly made me realise that I have come such a long way and it's nice to know that somebody out there thinks I am pretty good looking.

So I'd like to take this moment to thank that person, ever since that day I've walked a little taller, had a little more spring in my step, and smiled a little brighter. I've started to socialise a lot more with friends and I've even made some new friends. My outlook on life is now a lot more positive than it was

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